Dead End
by The Honest Truth
Summary: Random drabble, one-shot. Contains major spoiler, be warned! LxLight, shounen-ai "He was disgusted with himself. Could he not suppress one tiny little emotion? This kind of weakness he would not tolerate. He would not fail now."


First, I wasn't sure if I should post this, but I decided 'meh, what the heck'. I don't focus on details, so don't expect a high-class plot. Instead I focused on Light and his thoughts. I've written this a while back when I was in a kinda sappy, but sad mood. I thought about writing more, but I figured it was better this way._  
_  
I listened mostly to Hello by Evanescence while writing this. You might wanna listen to it too while reading. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, L, Light or any other Death Note character. I can only dream.

* * *

_'The human whose name is written in this note shall die.'_

A painful realisation. Painful? Why? What was wrong with him? He had won. He had beaten L.

L was dead. Lying numb in his arms, eyes closed. He'd never see those dark, emotionless eyes staring at him again. Why did that bother him?

With L gone, he was closer than ever to being God of a new world. Kira's world.

A world without L. It seemed so unreal.

"Ryuzaki! Hey, Ryuzaki! Wake up! Get a hold of yourself!"

There was no challenge left for him, no obstacle to overcome. There was nothing left.

Light screamed.

It had hit him. He needed L. To be his enemy, to be his friend. But L wasn't there. L was gone forever.

* * *

Everywhere he went, there were people. People laughing, people working, people arguing. People free of injustice.

But no matter how far he walked, L was nowhere.

He felt like he had no control over himself anymore. He had always been calm and emotionless. But slowly, the lock he had placed on his emotions was starting to crumble, his grip on reality loosening.

No, that couldn't be. He was making a fool of himself. Yes, his mind was playing tricks on him.

"_Yagami-kun."_

Suddenly, he felt a jab right through his chest. It felt like his heart collapsed. He couldn't take it. I felt like it was going to burst any moment. He had kept everything inside for so long, but it was too late. He couldn't cope with his suppressed feelings anymore. Now, he felt everything at once. Anger, sadness, fear.

Yes, fear. Fear of loneliness. Fear of the dark. The beast had been released from its cage and it tore Light apart. Fear of being alone, lost without the one he-

He slapped himself across the face and demanded himself to get a grip. It was time to get a hold of himself, like a man.

Maybe he did have feelings? But... wasn't he above all that? Did he not have a mission before all else? No, he couldn't be human. He couldn't slip up like that. He couldn't throw away all of his hard work, not now. There was still so much unfinished business to take care of.

He was disgusted with himself. Could he not suppress one tiny little emotion? This kind of weakness he would not tolerate. He would not fail now.

But... L...

_I need you._

* * *

Warm or cold water, it didn't matter. It didn't wash away the shame. He was a disgrace. No matter how many times he tried, he could not help but feel this way.

He cared. He cared... for L. No matter how many times he had said those words in his head, he still barely comprehended them. He cared for L. He could not believe it. L. The memory of him haunted Light day in, day out.

Then, he realized that he had not won at all. It was L who had been truly victorious. Because L was controlling him now. From the underworld, he was tormenting Light. Because he was gone. Wherever he went, he saw L's face. On every billboard, in every puddle of rain, in every memory. Over and over again. He had become dependant of L. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Maybe, in time... he would be able to forget. Yes, forget there ever was a man named L. He'd look back at his life, years and years from now, having finally reached his goal and he would not remember that he had almost made a fatal mistake back then. Someone would ask him: "Remember L?"

And he'd be able to reply in all honesty: "L who?"

* * *

Too out of character? I tried not to make Light a sentimental little crybaby or anything. I think I did fairly well. (The original was cheesier, trust me...)


End file.
